`i've waited all my life months of waiting and there is finally a conclusion. `l am my own man
`to cross this line
`to the only thing that's true
Sunday, November 11, 2007
i feel liberated and the heavy burden that has been weighing on my shoulder has finally been lifted off. like what Botak the tattoo artist said, contentment and bliss. i think i might just have caught a glimpse of it.
what im most amazed of is the conversation with deborah. she as a matter of fact striked my match and enlightened (no joke) me on 'me'. like seriously, i didnt expect to get my answer from her. as in i know i was selfish to hold on, but i cant exactly pin-point why i felt that way. deborah, the ever lame-and-crappy joker that goes around irritating the hell out of everyone, thanks for talking sense to me despite you not been sleeping for at least 36 hours straight. ure unbelievable. huggs.. oh and btw, ure 'pitch talk'? it really tickled me. grin.
and to kane who's trying her best to crack me up by talking and talking incessantly about probably the most random things around. im so sorry for being so unreactive. it was actually quite amusing if the situation has been different. thanks man. (:
and to juan, big cheers for the analytical discussion about my feelings. it was strange how your questions jolted me up from my sleeping state of mind. i guess i was still in shock and confusion.
and to aj who's trying so hard to stay awake. i hope you have finally get to soak your poor hand in warm water and tucked ureself comfortably in bed. thanks for being so sweet and sticking around even when ure super shagged.
i guess after four years, im still learning how to let go. oh well what's new. at least like what deborah said, im still standing on my platform and essentially unchanged. which can be both a bad thing and a good thing. i am still me after all, still learning how life works and how to deal with the changes that come along. i realized i was trying so hard to hold on to the feeling that is so real to me, and in the process of holding it so tightly and afraid of losing it, i didnt know i was choking it. killing myself and dragging another down along the way. set it free and be contented that for once, i have shared such an amazing connection with another being.
claire, kayne, kane, juan, aj, deborah, lerrick, merser and shiyun, thanks for being there when i was so lost. i didnt know what i was doing and come to think of it, i think i was just like a kid who has just received her new toy and refusing to let it go. thinking it would just disappear should i let it out of my grasp. trying so desperately to hold on to this love that i have been waiting for all this while.
to want to have the best of the world is just plain greed. im learning everyday and now that i have let go, i feel happier. sense of loss? definitely, but im coping fine. no no.. as in really. i know i used to say im okay when im not. but now, i really am. i love you guys and im bloody glad you guys are in my life.
and right now, two projects submission and a paper next sat. mad rush time. shoot me. ):
1:12 AM.
`themood
*bien`
`themusic `thelyrics Lonely im so lonely,
Yo this one here goes out to all my playas out there ya kno got to have one good girl whose always been there like ya
I wont up in the middle of the night and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, coulda sworn I was dreamin, for her I was
Im so lonely so lonely
Cant belive I hadda girl like you and I just let you walk right outta my life, after all I put u thru u still stuck
Im so lonely so lonely
Im so lonely so lonely
Been all about the world ain't neva met a girl that can take the things that you been through
So lonely so lonely
Im so lonely so lonely
Artist - Akon
Song - Lonely
Album - Trouble
.Lonely.
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely, im mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely,
Kno took all the bullshit then one day she cant take it no more and decides to leave
Feenin, so I hadda take a little ride, back tracking ova these few years, tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad, cuz
Ever since my girl left me, my whole left life came crashin
Im so lonely so lonely,
Im mr. Lonely mr. Lonely
I have nobody I have nobody
To call my own to call my own girl
Im mr. Lonely mr. Lonely
I have nobody I have nobody
To call my own to call my own girl
Around and stayed by my side, what really hurt me is I broke ur heart, baby you were a good girl and I had no right, I
Really wanna make things right, cuz without u in my life girl
Im mr. Lonely mr. Lonely
I have nobody I have nobody to call my own
To call my own to call my own girl
Im mr. Lonely mr. Lonely
I have nobody I have nobody
To call my own to call my own girl
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run and I would be out chasing u
Cuz aint nowhere in the globe id rather be, aint noone in the globe id rather see then the girl of my dreams that made me
Be so happy but now so lonely
Im mr. Lonely mr. Lonely
I have nobody I have nobody
To call my own to call my own
Im mr. Lonely mr. Lonely
I have nobody I have nobody
To call my own to call my own girrll
