l 0 v 3
is when two people who cares for each other gets confused

welcome to my blog.
-no vulgarities
-comments please tag
-get lost if you want to show me your attitude
+click on the words (top right of picture) to navigate

`i've waited all my life
`to cross this ~~line~~
`to the only thing that's true

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I would be through with love
Have nothing to do with love
If it hadn't been for you
If it hadn't been for you

Love hurt me from the start
I'd still have a broken heart
If it hadn't been for you
If it hadn't been for you

You put your sweet lips on mine
And i believed in love again
The world took on a new shine
And, oh how sad it was then

When love was so cruel to me

How empty my life would be
If it hadn't been for you
And the little things you do
My whole world would fall through
If it hadn't been for you

If it hadn't been for you, ooh, ooh
My whole world would fall through
If it hadn't been for you
If it hadn't been for you
If it hadn't been for you
If it hadn't been for you
If it hadn't been for you

thank you for being my dearie eliza..
and cheers to our many more anniversaries ahead.
grin.

love you ger..
(kiss ure lips for a long time)

`l am my own man
3:15 PM.

eliza dearie..

happy one month anniversary..

missing you truckloads..
(as usual)

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me..

yours only,
baby.

`l am my own man
2:24 PM.

Monday, June 20, 2005

if you are not sweet..
i guess, i can never find someone else who is.

come back soon.. if you can.
cause im missing you terribly here..
the air just keep getting thinner..

and..
i just dun feel right.
(smiles)

to me,
even the lightest kiss or slightest touch
from my dearie..
is the happiest moment that i will cherish.

and i mean it.

i love you so much..
please takecare of ureself dere alrite..

nothing can happen to my little angel.
the air.. that keeps me alive.

`l am my own man
1:41 PM.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

and because i love to see you smile and be happy,
i am here again.

and even though you always make me put down the phone first,
i still prefer to wait till you put down the phone before i do.
because if i dont hear you putting down the phone safe and sound,
it just doesn't feel right.

and even though every time you come to my house,
and when you leave,
you would always ask me to go back home without sending you out.
but if it was possible and time lets me do so,
i would want to send you to the door,
because if i dont see you walking out without danger,
it just doesnt feel right.

and even though you keep asking me to give you the card for ure birthday present that i bought millions of years ago,
i just cant give you because the card you gave me was too sweet,
and because i cant write as well as you do and be as sweet as you are,
i just cant give something thats not of expectations to you,
it just doesnt feel right.

and even though you keep telling me no matter what that i am the more beautiful one,
the kind one,
loving one,
the sweetest one and everything that you say of me,
i still think that ure the more beautiful one,
more kind one,
more loving one.
its just the truth that you are.

to my dearest baby,
i love you.
please take care over in singapore.

XOXO, dearie.

`l am my own man
8:37 PM.

taking a breather and looking around..
i saw some sadness and real heartache.
but mainly happiness.
my clique is MOSTLY contentedly
living with their other half..
oh ya..
im elated at aj's newfound gem. heh.
and i came to a conclusion.
that life has been good al this whil. :))

and im blissfully waiting,
for the return of my gerfwn.

working hard for the both of us.

im SO proud of her.
anyone will.

grin widely.
wel.. talk abt ego..
i sure have a deep pit of it,
filled right to the very brim.
heheh.

alrite alrite..
i thank God for my current and bright future.
treasure it tremendously.
really.

Amen.
(all smiles)

`l am my own man
5:13 PM.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

had work at IMM after skol today (an another on sun)
gonna promote our swimskol.
-give a retarded look-
it's so boring.

from a slightly enthusiatic attempt to recommend our skol to a vaguely remote attempt to just give out the flyers, i finally end up window-shopping the mall.

saw some real nice hush puppies boxers.
despite my new label now,
i stil pretty much love them! haahah.

they're simply so comfy! heheh. :D:D

i miss you..
and i wish you can hear wad my heart wants to say.
i noe we're divided by seas and vast land
but i noe, and just simply understood,
that our hearts stil beat as one.
closing my eyes..
i take a look inside,
and i can see you..
and feel you so close to my heart.

i miss you deeply my dearie.

`l am my own man
3:50 PM.

to my only dearie,

DEARIE DEARIE!!!!!!!

my Lord..
I-AM-SO-FREAKING-HAPPIE when i saw ure entry!

baby's missing you so terribly..
whineeeee... :((((

it's just two days and im dying.. dearie..
wrap you up in my arms and refuse to let go.

baby wld never delete any of the entries that my dearie put in here ya?
any one of them is just as precious to baby cause they're from my dearie. hmmphhh.

is dear eating and sleeping well.. baby's so worried..
but i noe, my dearie's in good hands.
just make sure you cover ureself wel alrite?
cannot catch a cold..
remember ure jacket..
my heart will ache so much. sadsadface.

baby cant seem to slep at night now.
i miss dearie so much..
ure voice, ure laughter and simply ure very presence.
i wish so much that i can hug you tight or
just to hear ur voice over the phone.
sigh.. you noe..
you just mean so much to me.

ever since dearie's gone
baby seem to be sinking into a foul mood.
my fuse is so short now.
patience is like a foreign word to me.
im just so edgy without you by my side.
so unsettled.. so unhappy.
you just mean so much to me dearie.
really. baby never lie. :((

how i wish for the million times that ure here.
right here with me.

from ure only baby.

`l am my own man
4:23 AM.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

baby,

i am here.
surprised? ;D

there is free internet down at the lobby here in the kyoto hotel,
tried going down last midnight but i was too late and they switched off the computers.
and just now at five plus i came down again and there were already people occupying the computers
was waiting for so so long for either to finish using the comp
but to my dismay, they are worse computer addicts than i am. :((

waited for so long and i give up and went back up to change for dinner.
met wit my dad's customer and waiting for my dad to finish bathing now and we can go dinner with my dad's customer.
wont be able to type here anymore,
will be leaving for osaka tommorow. :(

i know this post is crap cos im basically babbling about myself,
so please delete this post after you read this allright?
i just wanted to get this note to you.
and im sure no one wants to read this on your blog.
eh? heh. ;)

oh and, i read your post.
i have just four words to say,
i love you, baby.

no no, another three words.
you are beautiful.

thank you, for being my baby.
i swear you are the best thing that ever happened.

XOXO, dearie.

`l am my own man
6:58 PM.

She is gone.

my dearie is gone..
on her eight hours flight to japan on cathay plane.

i miss her terribly.

i am so tired.. but i just cant sleep.
presumably, most of you guessed as much.
i skipped tennis to go home and rest.
end up reading The Lost Boy.
the sequel of A Child Called 'it'.

everytime i read the book, i can just feel my soul drifting and sinking deep into the sea..
each word brings me further down into the waters and darkness envelop my whole being so wholesomely..

my heart goes al the way out to the Dave Pelzer.
and for the dunno how many thousandth time, i thank god for a pair of unabusive parents.

standing fixed at a corner of the common pathway, a succession of students walked to and fro.
each getting to their destination. my glaze drifted to the fire extinguisher glass in front and my eyes stared at the reflection within.

two years ago, i was like a lost soul. not knowing where i am heading; much less what i want to achieve in my life. like a lost sheep, i merely allow myself to be carried forward with the drift of time.

and time sure flies.

i felt it was as if yest that i first received my A-level results. with a sinking realization that i cant really get into a good course with that kinda grades.

i detest my conveyor-style of life.

it is boring me.

i need to breathe.

i've decided..

i need to escape.

dere and den, i jumped into the working society. intrigued by the buzz, temptations and wonders of the heretic world beyond my safe little paradise.

i ran and fell.
and in the process, i scraped my knees and hands and possibly several other parts of my body. but i never failed to pick myself up.

amid these two years, i've cried and laughed more den any other years of my life combined together.

i've made friends. talked to dozens, hundreds and perhaps even thousands of people in my work, and the vast spread of my social circle.

i've listened and learnt plenty.

painful lessons in life have taught me who to trust; who not to love; wad to say and wad to do in different circumstances in life.

with a face which look barely eighteen.
i feel seasoned and well acquainted with the mechanism of a superior machine called:
the human life.

the rule of this survival game is not to expose the undesirable,
but to learn to recognise it and steer clear of danger's path.

suddenly,
i miss my dearie plenty.

she is certainly one who have seen and been thru alot in her short fifteen years of life,
but nonetheless, remain the pure and innocent her.
she never fail to make my heart goes al soft and tender on her.

in one of our night conversations,
we brought out this topic-
who is the more beautiful one.
(dun ask how did we manage to embark on this discussion)

we both arrowed at each other.
she never realize..
just how beautiful she is.
like a diamond dipped in murky water,
she never fail to shine al the same.
bearing grudges is never her forte.

forgive and forget,
there is nothing much to hate..

i can almost hear her whisper this in the air..

life is so peaceful and easy with her around.
every single morning,
is a quick jump off the bed,
followed by a busy scurrying ard the house.
a thorough brushing up and getting ready to grab my packed bag and go.

each morning rush a certain happiness floating and locked in the atmosphere.
each stride filled with purpose and bursting hope;
each dawn break another positive day ahead.

i am confounded by this change in me.

and i noe where it al started.
i only hope this love which bring me to this locus,
is only the beginning of a blissful life.

one that holds both me and her in it.
and den, it just makes life so much more significant and fulfilling.

i love you dearie.
probably much more den you would have allowed ureself to believe.

`l am my own man
9:51 AM.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

dearest baby,
i probably wont be able to leave much of a message for you here.
because the blasted internet just wouldnt for the love of god connect.
and im already being really nice over here.
i spent the last... hour fixing the damn wireless and restarting my computer again and again.
and i decided i should restart both the computer and the wireless,
and, alas! it connected.

THAT, is how much you cannot trust wireless internet connection.
at least 36k modem dial-up assures you a internet filled computer if you do dial up that is.

anyway baby? please take good care of yourself.
and please please please, catch up on your sleep.
thats honestly the most important thing.

i have to go, its already nine and im not dressed, and i still have things i need to put into my luggage before i leave.

will be writing the notes as promised over there,
just hope i wont walk too much till im too conked out to write.

now both me and my sister feels nauseatic.
im damn sure my stomach has problems.
it has been through storms and seas,
but nauseatic...?
that's certainly new.

XOXO, dearie.

`l am my own man
8:59 AM.

dearest baby,

am typing this at 3.30am right after i put down the phone with you.
the reason why i told you to drift off to sleep before i put down the phone is because i can't bear to end the call with you.
i would want to hear your voice and talk on and on with you forever, if i could.
seven days, without ure presence, ure voice, ure messages
i really don't know what i am going to do without you.
but you're just so fatigue, and it worries me.

you really don't know how much it pains me to see you missing your stations and stops, drifting off to sleep while talking on the phone, and you overworking yourself.
baby please promise me you will catch up on your sleep when i am away allright?
the 24/7 calls are accumulating and it gradually eats up a whole load of your energy.
honestly, it worries me alot. :(

please try and catch up on your sleep and not to have too many late nights allright baby?
promise me baby.

im not sure if i can leave a message here tommorrow as it is morning flight,
but ill try and at least leave a quick note here before i leave.
check your phone often okay?
but if it's hard to reply, i'll understand.

rest more baby,
and please take good care of yourself when i'm away ya?

i'm already missing you,
badly.

you know i love you,
dearie.

`l am my own man
3:31 AM.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

She don't care about my car
She don't care about my money
And that's real good because I don't got alot to spend
But if I did it wouldn't mean nothin'

She likes me for me
Not because I look like Tyson Beckford
With the charm of Robert Redford
Oozing out my ears
But what she sees
Are my faults and indecisions
My insecure conditions
And the tears upon the pillow that I shed

She don't care about my big screen
Or my collection of DVD's
Things like that just never mattered much to her
Plus she don't watch to much t.v.

And she don't care that I can fly her
To places she ain't never been
But if she really wants to go
I think deep down she knows that
All she has to say is when

She likes me for me
Not because I hang with Leonardo
Or that guy who played in "Fargo"
I think his name is Steve
She's the one for me
And I just can't live without her

My arms belong around her
And I'm so glad I found her once again

And I'm so glad I found her once again
And I'm so glad I found her once again
Gazing at the ceiling
as we entertain our feelings in the dark
The things that we're afraid of are gonna show us
what we're made of in the end

She likes me for me
Not because I sing like Pavarotti
Or because I am such a hottie
I like her for her
Not because she's phat like Cindy Crawford
She has got so much to offer
Why does she waste all her time with me
There must be something there that I don't see

She likes me for me
Not because I'm tough like Dirty Hairy
Make her laugh just like Jim Carrey
Unlike the Cable Guy
But what she sees
Is that I can't live without her
My arms belong around her
And I'm so glad I found her once again
Found her once again
I'm so glad I found her once again
Once again..

dearest dearie..

looking at the monogram white beautiful lighter
just reminds me so much of ure beautiful face
when i touch it..
i feel as if im touching you.
the very thought of it just fill my heart with such a nice fuzzy feeling
i can almost melt under the warm and sweetness of it all.
the LV lighter wld forever be kept close to baby.

soon dearie..
soon.. we will be back tgt
for i belong nowhere else 'cept in ure arms
and you in my embrace.
this..
is what i see for both you and me.
always try to drop baby a message here and there ya?
i will try my very best to reply whenever it's humanly possible.
outta reach from the horrendous tutors and bad reception in the hall.
dearie must be patient and not discouraged when there's no reply alrite?
hugyoutight

in a few days' time
my dearie would be swept off her feet again
and off to japan.
sighsigh.

i am alredy missing you.
and ure just so lovable and sucha darling.
i am so glad i found you dearie.
i really do.

:))

your baby.

`l am my own man
4:49 PM.

dessert personality test..

STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE...
Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be overly emotional at times.

im abt to make my first absence in skol in two hours' time.
hope my dearie can come out. :))

`l am my own man
4:30 AM.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

yay yays.. my dearie coming back today!!

CANT WAIT!!!!

(exhilarated look. hahaha :D)

on my way to town now.. skol ends early for me today! hehehe.
gg to cut MY hair.. gonna give my darling a surprise when she's back. gringrin.

`l am my own man
2:50 PM.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

it's been two days since ure gone.
i miss you every bit as much as i miss my breathing.

i wish i can hear ure voice,
give you a gentle kiss on ure lips,
and hug you for the rest of time.
i din realize the amount of impact you have on my life
until the day you leave.
just how indispensable you are to me.

and now i say,
i love you even more.

`l am my own man
4:19 PM.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

a most unforgiveable act i've done today.

i missed sending my dear off.
i din even managed to say goodbye to her. realsadface.

i was called to pick a class at 2 noon at the last minute. between twelve noon to almost two, my eyes and hands are basically glued to my precious fone. awaiting smses from my dearie. but nthg turned up.

and stil i waited.

and den, i was called to the pool.

by the time i finished my last class at nearly 7. i nearly cried when i saw al the msgs i missed. my dearie has flown off. and i din managed to even reply a single msg,a simply takecare, a small i-will-miss-you-plenty-while ure-gone or i-love-you dearest loving note.

and she's gone before i can even take my next breathe. my heart literally broke..

and now..
im left al alone here wout her.

i miss her messages..
i miss chatting with her over msn..
i miss hearing her lovely voice..
i just miss her.

four short days.. but it seem like a long while to me.

please return al safe and sound my dearie..
i will pray for ure safe return.
enjoy ureself loads and baby hope you remb the lit daily note we're promised each other.
baby gonna start writing later.

i alred miss you so much.

lord.. heave a deep sigh.
save me.

`l am my own man
4:09 PM.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

baby, im leaving in a while.
guess i wont be able to contact you today cos ure at work now.
i miss you baby.. :(
i really do.

been trying to send you smses the whole day today,
but my heart aches so badly cos you couldnt reply.
tried to sms you during ure break but guess i was too late.

take care over at singapore during the times that im away alryt?
dont be sad baby, you know im here wit you.

you promised me you'll be happy,
and not be sad.
so you must do what you promise, alryt?

try not to always stay up so late baby,
not good for you ya?

have more rest dear,
you cannot fall sick alryt?

take good care over here dear,
ill be back in ure arms in a blink of an eye.

i love you baby.

XOXO, dearie.

`l am my own man
5:55 PM.

Friday, June 03, 2005

baby,

wo yuan bian cheng, tong hua li ni ai de na ge tian shi.
zhang kai shuang shou, bian chen chi bang shou hu ni.

dearie.

`l am my own man
1:08 AM.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

i din go cocolatte today.

and now, i cant go to bed without hearing my dearie's voice. sigh.
i want you.

`l am my own man
2:09 PM.

you are just such a dear little one. smiles.
i really miss you alot. simply so much i can almost go crazy. sighh. was mixing hot water to my iced water to ease my throat before i rushed to switch on the comp. only realised the lights werent on when i went in. so i happily just press the hot water out in the dark. dammit. the water went splashed onto my hand. now the thumb and second finger area are al red. cries..
:.((

I dreamt of you last night..
We were in a beautiful place.
Just the two of us.
It was so quiet and peaceful.
And i knew it den..
That is where we belong
together,
just you and me.
I love you so much..
I wish..
You can be right beside me everyday..
Every minute of my life.

`l am my own man
11:41 AM.