l 0 v 3
is when two people who cares for each other gets confused

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`i've waited all my life
`to cross this ~~line~~
`to the only thing that's true

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

baby,

go look at my friendster ya? i updated it. it has everything that i ever wanted to say to you. although kinda shortened cos i had to adjust it to fit the number requiments. once again, thank you for being my baby.

sometimes i sit, starring out the window.
watching this world pass me by.
sometimes i think, there's nothing to live for, i almost break down and cry.
sometimes i think im crazy, why am i here just wasting my time?
but then i see my baby, suddenly im not crazy.
it all makes sense when i look into her eyes.

sometimes it feels like the world's on my shoulder, everyones leaning on me.
sometimes it feels like the world's almost over, but then she comes back to me.

i love you, baby.

dearie.

`l am my own man
7:48 PM.

ronan keating: when you say nothing at all

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me when ever I fall
You say it best..when you say nothing at all

All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd (the crowd)
Try as they may they can never define
What's been said between your heart and mine
You say it best when you say nothing at all
You say it best when you say nothing at all..)

The smile on your face
The truth in your eyes
The touch of your hand
Let's me know that you need me..

(You say it best when you say nothing at all
You say it best when you say nothing at all..)

i love my dearie.. thanks for always being dere yar.
am so tired.. just gonna blog this for you before i bath eat and slep. hahah.
must takecare of ureself and be guai at home alrite? :)

guys.. devon said wana meet on thurs? okays?

`l am my own man
9:40 AM.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

past two days had been a nasty bout of flu with a mixture of running blocked nose. was so terrible today that i went off after my morning swimming classes.

mans.. i cant fall sick now that skol's starting on mon. :((

my dearest has always been by my side emotionally and mentally al these times. she's such a sweet lit thing. thou she cant be there beside me to feed me medicine and cover me with my blanket.. it has been a very comforting thot to noe that she has always been there by my side thou not physically. never wavering.

im sorrie for the late nights with the gang despite being sick yar dearie. sorry for making you worried. sadsadface. i miss you so damn much. remb to take good care and drinks lotsa water alrite? wrap you up in my arms protectively from the passives' stares. hehe.

love you loads loads
baby.

`l am my own man
5:33 PM.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

hello, lovergirl. ;)

having 24/7 wit you now and im blogging in ure blog at the same time.
aye see im so nice.
baby, dont say i didnt blog ya!
im super active in here.
gringrin.

anyway baby?
thanks for everything.

words cannot describe my love for you,
and everything i feel for you.

ure more than words can say,
ure even more perfect than perfect.

and because ure mine,
i become the most happiest and luckiest girl on earth.

love, 24/7.

`l am my own man
11:47 PM.

as the soft crooning of guang yang droons on in the background..

a moist and warm droplet falls through the air and land on my hand. and den a second one.. the bitterness of it caresses my lips and sting my emotions so such that i feel like a dam has burst from within me.

(closes my eyes.. you promised never to leave me..)

i dunwan anything very fantastic in my life..
just wan a simple life. a small group of close-knitted friends. a ger who understands me and for me to love.

and im contented.

a particular deep sorrow is on the rampant, one that seizes with a vehemence, slowly forcing the life-strength outta me.. slowly suffocating me.

i am just me.
as harmless as a lit bird can be. i look up and see vultures circling around the sky above. eager to dive in for a feast .the tall trees surround.. shutting out wadeva little sunlight there is left. the sky looks dark and gloomy, and if i am to stare hard enuf, a trace of ominous calling in the air seems to linger in the atmosphere. the trees seem to have shut out every shimmer of hope together with the sunlight. it forces upon my world, a dark unwelcoming canvas thrown unmecifully and unwillingly onto me. trapping me in its depth.

i cant hear anything. it is a pitch darkness inside. the only thing i can hear and feel is a distinctive thumping rythme. my heart beating. a proof that i am stil alive.

i believe in the inherent goodness of humans. i believe.. that the most coldblooded murderer have a soft core within him. we are born to love.. not to bear the suffering of this sad world. and no one can brush away love with just a simple stroke of hand. no.. it's just aint right..

i aint wan any facade. i aint wan any lie. i just wana be myself. and i wana believe in you. i really wan to.

im sick of asking myself how can people look at me straight in the eye and yet managed to put on a front. al the pretense. all the lying. i hate it.. i loath it. to the very core. and im running outta excuses to cover up for the things people that i stil love do to me.

i've decided. im gonna cut the kite string and let everything go.

i guess.. it is all for the best. the infamous line i've so often heard.

`l am my own man
9:00 AM.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

my ger is outta town in Bintan.. im missing her alred.. wonder wad am i to do without hearing her voice for three days. sighh. super shagged. i guess i shld just slep soon. had five hours of teaching; three hours of slep just aint enuf. not now anymore. my age is showing mans.. pull a face.

had my fair share of fun with gang yest. and please guys, if ure not into melancholy romance, do not, i repeat again, DO NOT watch Last Quarter. you will have couple like nancy falling asleep and poor lerrick having to explain the story at the end of it al. shake head in resignation.

sorry i cant meet u today lerrick. was simply knocked out. yeah man. and i had a nice one hour spin before my poor colleague finally managed to find the way from tampines to my house. we got to woodlands passed by her house in sembawang before reaching my hse in yishun. wad a big detour ya. haha. funnie ger she is. imagine being on a one-way road gg the wrong direction. well, that's her. i AM so glad i got home safe and sound. grin. appreciate the ride tremendously al the same. thanks ger! thou i dun think she will read this. ha.

goodnight folks.
no more late night today yar. smiles.
must be guai and listen to my gerfwn. CHUCKLE.. haha.

chill out.

`l am my own man
2:28 PM.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

eliza lee meixuan is formally my gerfwn now.
cannot touch her okays! gringrin. :D:D

`l am my own man
4:45 PM.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

nicole kidman is simply so enchanting..

a little extract from the interpreter
the african tribe has this tradition.
when a murderer is caught, he is being bounded with ropes over the hands, legs and a gag in his mouth. and den he is thrown to drown in the water.

the family of the deceased can choose two options.
one: to let him sink and drown; and live in mourn forever.
two: save him and understand that life can be unfair at times.
with this decision in mind, you have liberated ureself from sadness and to move on in life.

i am stil learning to forgive.
to ure loved one, it's easy. in fact.. it's hard to ever hate anyone you once love.
but towards ure enemy, it wld have taken a truckload of effort to stop hating him. let alone forgive him.

wad wld you do in this standpoint?

i figured. i wld need more enlightenment.

Love is ever the beginning of Knowledge as fire is of light.
Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between thee and me. Genesis xiii. 8.

`l am my own man
5:26 PM.

i am so sorry for that (you noe wad i mean).
i guess.. too many things happened at the same time
it just upset and confuse me. look into the distance..

and the question keeps surfacing..

i understand how you feel,
but do you do so for me?

if ure answer is yes.
den probably..
im right abt you al these whil.

`l am my own man
6:21 AM.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

wrath rising high in the raging heat
a smell of blood in the air
impertinent jackass the imbecile is
one wrong move.. just one.
and we will nail ure fat ass up the tree.

this nitwit plus another issue
like an old man dragging his foot up a slope
just cloud my heart and make it heavy.
i hope the rainy days will clear soon.
it does so to put a wrinkle between my eyes
one as deep as a rut in the road.

im hungry.

this week there's no work at the coffee club.
im gonna get some fare and start my revision for the next sem.
simple life is still the best. there just wont be anything to worry abt.

`l am my own man
3:32 AM.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

24-7!

you gotta go view, encoding to select unicode ya! guess ures in traditional chin or sthg like that. hahahha. silly.. :D you finally blogged here! hehe. happy look! hahah. only ten plus and im pretty shagged out. guess ure stil at sakae sushi eating.. hmm.. hahah. miss you mans.. :D hope u can come out tmr. pray hard- grin.

miss you loads.

`l am my own man
2:04 AM.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

just like i promised, im here before i officially go mia. :)

i have no idea why blogger's in chinese!
it's been so long since i last blogged anywhere.
haha.

i guess sometimes in life,
its so unpredictable.
one moment its like this,
the other moment like that.
and basically, i cant afford to drag my feet any longer.

i used to think and think about what has been happening,
and not bother about my own feelings.
but as the time goes on,
i made my decision based on what i feel.

its funny how you managed to spell out everything ive thought of,
without me telling you anything at all.
i guess this is what you call understanding,
telepathy? smiles.

ive more or less made my decision,
i just need to go mia to rethink about everything,
and confirm my decision,
and settle everything then.
and when i come out of mia,
ill call you.
thats when i thought everything through.

take care ya?

love, 24/7.

`l am my own man
1:51 PM.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

i cant take my eyes off you.

to you..

ure background is wad i hope never to face again.
but u are nearly wad i've been dreaming of.
i hope..
wadeva choice you make.
you will always be my twenty-four seven.
hugutight.

allyours.
from thy heart.

[a lamenting kiss that seals my fate]

`l am my own man
3:14 PM.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

happy birthday kris..
before the last min bell striked 12.

`l am my own man
2:59 PM.

Friday, May 06, 2005

the healing power in grieving.

i've felt that, i've truly moved on.
but is it time to start all over again..
the very thought of it suffocates my small heart.
no.. not yet. i still cherish my freedom.
the very idea of a carefree bird soaring high above..

it amazes me wad ppl often call me by.
cradle snappers.. snatchers.. (wadeva you call that) shrug.
it's just that, age has never been an issue to me.
but now, i guess it's a different story altgt.

life's sucha contradiction.
being alone wld make one yearn for a soulmate..
but when that someone comes along and lift u up, you wld be wishing inside that ure left all alone in the vast emptiness of life. it has been happy solo-ing the past two months, but now, i felt as if someone has threatened to break open the heavy lock i've painstakingly kept fixed on my door. i guess. i shld just retreat into my shell and till dusk fall and dawn break, i wld be contented to simply stay wormed up on my safe old bed.

each night when i go to sleep, i die.
and the next morning, when i wake up,
i am reborn. -extract from tuesday with morrie.

a most useful quotation.

tell me.. how could i ever hope to maintain any love for anyone.
each day, like a newborn
al i wana do is to welcome the simply things that most ignored.
bliss, contentment and uncomplicated beauty.

`l am my own man
9:00 AM.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

okays.. the cake has just arrived.
it came in a big circular box measuring a couple of cm more den 30.
and yes. i was so amazed by the size of it i actually run to retrieve my ruler and measure it.
hahahha. i noe i look dumb but anyway.. hmmph.. haha.
dere's only five in the family.. i dun understand the size of it.
to think i even wana disappear from my family celeb to go meet chiki earlier.
thank god i din. else, i wld be so condemned. :(

oh ya. lucky chiki. i shall bring along a big slice for her later. gringrin.

tm im meeting the gang to zouk/phuture.
excitement running high.. :)))

`l am my own man
9:40 PM.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

hey guys.. there's uhh no more chalet on tues to thurs. din managed to book in the end. but i wasnt regretful. so many ppl cant really make it for the three days. great sadness. hahah. im so happy im gg to meet lerrick the joker they all later on today. hope i can go off on time. they always love to load last min classes on me. URG!! but nvm. i love the kids. cute cute!! hahahaha.

`l am my own man
5:23 PM.