
`i've waited all my life GAPING HOLE `l am my own man
You were all the things I thought I knew `l am my own man
love romance soul mates `l am my own man
(Hey, Hey) `l am my own man
i went ikea to do our marketing proj. mans.. the place is such a blast! but i dun remb stepping in for ages. it's really al nicely done up and look at the crowd!! my friend told me it's THAT busy everyday. fancy that! shake head in amazement. have u tried the swedish meatballs and their chicken wings?? i ought to stay near ikea mans so i can just walk by to the eating place everydae! the wings are so nice.. lick my lips.. yummy yummy.. :)) `l am my own man
after two years, i've realized im living in a seemingly fairy tale story where love is supposed to cover for any shortcomings. i have known hypocrisy. but i've never felt it really so personally in my life. i look at the people around me. sudden burst of friendliness. i am now a radical. skeptical of kindness and care except if they come frm a few selected ones. no one really mean what they say. i guess that's what lip service is all about. i have always refused to let myself be polluted by the unhappiness of the world the evil undesirable bad facade of life. but i can never understand why one would actually do that to me when all i have been is to be true and honest and be there for them. but when you really need someone to stand by ure side and lift you up, those who promised to do so are scarcely seen anywhere within the 10miles. but those who are always by ure side but you always tend to overlook them are dere al for you. it does make life very complicated. but at least, it doesnt make it hopeless. `l am my own man
I'm lying alone with my head on the phone `l am my own man
you've ruined me. `l am my own man
everybody has a certain limit in themselves. `l am my own man
gonna watch the Howl Moving Castle later. yays! :D got econs test tmr but sighh.. a good movie is good for the health. cant go m'sia for the weekend alred.. gotta do my projs on both sat and sun. life can be so sad at times. `l am my own man
you've ruined me. `l am my own man
i went back to stnicks today with shiyun. was late in the morning so cab down. spent more than 15mins waiting for a dumb cab. urghh!! but luckily sy reached stnicks at the same time as me! `l am my own man
They say.. Love will mellow a person over time.. `l am my own man
it was sad being alone without her here.but it also means a certain release.outta wad..i cant rally make it out..expectations n hope i guess.thinking tht it's for the best gives me assurance and faith.something i always need in my relationship..my life. `l am my own man
if u can only hear what i got to say `l am my own man
dfhqbvuiwenhjbt fiopwenjvuibfh[ riowebvhjdfioascjpofj9[ bnsibaciodpasjofibsudn[C'ASJFIOEAVGUIDH WEBJDFTIOJ OPFJO'AS FIONXJSDJAOWF[VNEFGNJIOSDB FUISDGHFUIPSVOFD SBHG[IOSDFJAS'DMOF[ `l am my own man
my life is like a rollar coaster.. `l am my own man
Making my way down town `l am my own man
No one in sight for fifty miles `l am my own man
The day when I cant feel anymore. `l am my own man
I heard you're doin' okay `l am my own man
this is my third blog in sucession..i just need a quiet little space to rest my mind.. `l am my own man
`to cross this line
`to the only thing that's true
Monday, February 28, 2005
DARK RED
SMEARED WALL
SPLATTERING EVERYWHERE
DRIPPING RED
PULSE BEAT FAINTER WEAKER
BENEATH THE RED
TRANSPARENT GLISTENING
TIME- STOPPED
BEAT- CEASE
me..gone.
5:57 PM.
And I thought we could be
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh
Oh oh, oh oh
You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
5:22 PM.
Sunday, February 27, 2005
wad a load of bullshit.
4:41 PM.
Bye, Bye, Bye
Bye, Bye...
Bye, Bye...
Oh, Oh..
I'm doin' this tonight,
You're probably gonna start a fight.
I know this can't be right.
Hey baby come on,
I loved you endlessly,
When you weren't there for me.
So now it's time to leave and make it alone
I know that I can't take no more
It ain't no lie
I wanna see you out that door
Baby, bye, bye, bye...
Bye Bye
Don't wanna be a fool for you
Just another player in your game for two
You may hate me but it ain't no lie,
Baby, bye, bye, bye...
Bye Bye
Don't really wanna make it tough,
I just wanna tell you that I had enough.
It might sound crazy,
But it ain't no lie,
Baby, bye, bye, bye
(Oh, Oh)
Just hit me with the truth,
Now, girl you're more than welcome to.
So give me one good reason,
Baby come on
I live for you and me,
And now I really come to see,
That life would be much better once you're gone.
I know that I can't take no more
It ain't no lie,
I wanna see you out that door
Baby, bye, bye, bye...
Bye Bye
2:40 PM.
supposed to play pool today with fei mei. but i overslept! oops. so sorry mans! but it was such a deep slep. i dun remb dreaming of anything at al. wash al the fatigue away. nicenice.
exams in mid march. look forward to after it mans. haha. shall study hard. i hope i can. okies. i miss my dinner. gonna eat now. ahha. supper is bad but i dun really care mans. can jolly afford that. :D
Have you ever feel like crying when you are laughing
Have you feel like burying yourself in work
so you will never feel the pain
Have you ever walk into a crowd
and end up crying cause the hurt is just too much to bear
Have you love someone so much
That you feel like not living anymore after she's gone
Have you ever.
2:24 PM.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Howl's moving castle is moving. i can never comprehend why there are reviews that it is not comparable to spirited away. to me, it's much better and seeked to evoke more emotions.
at the ending line.. it went something of this context.
remember our promises of love, for it will stay by our side forever.. in you and my memories.
6:11 PM.
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart
I wish i could carry your smile in my heart
For times when my life seems so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
Does the feeling seem oh, so right?
And what would you say if i called on you now
And said that i can't hold on?
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or i'll be gone, i'll be gone
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know
I'm all out of love, i'm so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am i without you
I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from these long, lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too?
What are you thinking of..
Oh.. what are you thinking of..
4:00 PM.
Friday, February 25, 2005
dun ever let me see you again.
3:39 PM.
i have a very good patience. so my tolerance level is very high.
but the string has been pulled too taut and now it has snapped.
i dunno what i am feeling anymore.
seriously..
i cant feel any hurt nor sadness
but i also cant feel any happiness
that would used to wash over me in a wave of bliss
no..
im afraid..
i cant feel anymore.
happiness is, but just a temporary relief
darkess is the moment
when demons crawl and wreck havoc
there is a huge chunk of ice inside
fresh from the freezer room of broken hearts
it has stolen all forms of feelings from me
turning me into an ice statue
but as water will turn into ice;
and ice into water
the ice will soon melt
and the sun will shine again.
and that day
i pray fevently
for my happiness to come again.
6:31 AM.
had a great chatting session yest. grin. thanks! :))
6:31 AM.
-give a deathly stare.
dun even let me see you again.
i cant imagine wad will happen to you.
3:31 AM.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
had a damn good catching up session. aint im glad! smile happily.
spent a little time with eliza too. she's damn crap lah seriously. i never see her stop laughing for once, even when we're laughing at her uhh seemingly outta point joke, comment wadeva she is saying at that point. hahah. but she sure lift up my mood by a bit. :) and she appreciates the painting i've made for her. even tho the colours are al wrong and it was kinda burnt cause it was put in the heater for so long. at least she like it cause it was the thot that counts. but the one i've spent so much effort and time for the special someone. it wasnt in the least bit appreciated. and it was even dumped back at me. it hurts den. but now, it's happily pasted on my door. i wont take it down. i've thot of throwing it away. but my very first painting.. i think i wld keep it as a momento. smiles.. i wish her all the best. sometimes. i wld stop my work and just stare into space. that was when she is in my mind. i wont wana look back again. but it gets rally hard esp at night.. so hard. look away
aniway, it was such a pity sy has to leave for tuition at one plus. was pretty late too. managed to reach skol by 3pm. went to the self-access lab to study my econs test for this fridae! so guai right.. hehe. now that im alone, i shall pat myself instead. smilessmiles.
tennis was great today. had a long time wif zhuzhu before that.. let out a breath tgt wif al the stress and sadness. feel much better. smiles! i wasnt the least bit of tired after three straight hours of tennis. left late today. miss quite a bit of the 9pm show at ch8. :(( life is so sad cause that's the only show i watch nowaday. no desperate housewives, no american idols no extreme gourmet no anything! just proj proj.. den study and study!! and no more msging anymore. suddenly.. i seem to have a lot of free time. and im trying to put away the emptiness by piling all the books on me. im working myself so hard now. 6 hours of sleep daily. no break. just occupy myself continuously in my study. i dun get tired easily now. sighh.
more awakening hours mean more suffering.
that is my life for now.
im taking it. never gonna leave it again.
4:16 PM.
Monday, February 21, 2005
It is so true. I guess in a relationship..
there shouldnt be any expectations.
It is enough knowing that the other party has given her best,
it doesnt have to be the best.
Surely no one is perfect. But our love for that person
will be more than enough to cover for that inadequency.
Love covers all mistakes and imperfections.
It is the pure connection of two souls
that overrides both distance and time.
I have long ceased to carry any expectation.
It is satisfying to know that she is there for me.
Unwavering, quietly.. but always steadily.
It does gives me much comfort and peace.
I will always love her,
Like what I have been doing all these while.
A hug to remove any fear
A gentle patting to ease the pain
A little whispering of lovely words
to put a small sweetness into our lives
A tiny gesture of care and concern
to make the person feels loved
Just so simple and basic
no complications no complexity
all so with no reservation
Just give and require no return
I guess..
That's what love is all about.
6:02 PM.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
i had unit day today.
it was a blast.the long-missed netball games and incessant chatting and gossiping with my squadmates n seniors n..juniors rally gave me great satisfaction.it was rally great.been absent for two years thinking i can put our fwnship behind and simply disappear like tht.but i was wrong.it was never me.but sometimes,we just have to do it for a good cause.
i lost some love but gained it back in another manner.
it was just so amazing the way things turn out to be..
i am so glad the Lord is my father.whatever he does,i noe.he does it for my best interest.
4:41 PM.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
than mayb you wont come so hard on me
u've been good and new
not some used and discarded good
i wish i can change the old for the new
it could be a symbolic figure of a fresh start altgt
i wish you know what my heart wish to say
the heart is willing but the flesh is weak
but it should be the way
it should be the way..
it's the reason why your in love with me
a weak and manipulated one
one that is caught in being in love
but not in the love itself.
3:40 PM.
APAWNERUQ-
]0WEF0-WE90FTTUIWELRVNJW CFJ89[WE HRIPBYSU9[ASUDH0[QWNBFIOPAH SDBUAS9P8FU[9EFI90WEMV8I W9[BUAEVFTOPSD0[FG
IF I CAN I WOULD RATHER DIE NOW. IT'S WORSE THAN ANY SUFFERING. TMD FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WISH MY LUNGS WERE OUT. DEN I WONT HAVE TO COUGH IT OUT.
now i feel slightly better.
2:17 PM.
Monday, February 14, 2005
i went up and immediately down
before i had time to catch my breath..
but just as long as your in the ride with me together..
there is nothing not worth it.
so much has happened..
such considerable events..
each one just pull me closer to you.
i ralli dread the day when we part..
it would be worse than devastation
it will be worse than any sadness
it will be corresponding to death
parallel to being put in a coffin.
2:21 PM.
Walking fast
Faces pass
And I'm home bound
Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making a way
Through the crowd
And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you... tonight
It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever think of me
Cause everything's so wrong
And I don't belong
Living in
Your precious memory
Cause I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fallInto the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by,oh
Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you... tonight
And I, I don't wanna let you know
I, I drown in your memory I,
I don't wanna let this go
I, I've fallen...
Making my way down town
Waking fast
Faces pass
And I'm home bound
Staring blankly ahead
Making my way
Making a way
Through the crowd
And I still need you
And I still miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time, would pass us by
Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you...
If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by
Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you...
If I could just hold you... tonight
10:26 AM.
Sleeping fields sigh as I glide across their spines.
If I can just reach the crest of that hill
This whole day will tumble, out the night will spill.
The sky as still as a spinning top
Shooting stars drop like burning words from above
If I could just connect all these dots
The truth would tumble like a Cynic vexed by love.
And yet people keep saying
I'm miles from my home,
Miles from my home.
I met you again in my sleep last night,
These are days of slow boats and false starts.
Hearts remain under lock and key,
You will be the one to set them both free.
And yet people will tell you
You're miles from your home,
Miles from your home.
But that's where I want to be.
Out there searching,
Out here fumbling,
Out here waiting
For you and you for me.
The moon hangs like a question mark,
Pale as milk, bold as promise.
When will you share these sights with us?
When will we hold you in our arms?
And people will tell them
We're miles from our home,
Miles from our home.
10:17 AM.
9:48 AM.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
But I want you to know
I'm addic-
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?
I try to make you happy
But you left anyway
I'm tryin' to forget
But I'm addicted to you
But I wanted
And I needed
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Want to do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
Still addic-I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get to you
Do you think I deserve this
I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to treat you good in every way
I'm tryin' to forget
But I'm addicted to you
But I wanted
And I needed
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Want to do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
How long will I be waiting
Till the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine
I'm trying to forget
But I'm addicted to you
But I wanted
And I needed
I'm addicted to you
I'm trying to forget
But I'm addicted to you
But I wanted
And I needed
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Want to do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
2:24 PM.
2:10 PM.
`themood
*bien`
`themusic `thelyrics Lonely im so lonely,
Yo this one here goes out to all my playas out there ya kno got to have one good girl whose always been there like ya
I wont up in the middle of the night and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, coulda sworn I was dreamin, for her I was
Im so lonely so lonely
Cant belive I hadda girl like you and I just let you walk right outta my life, after all I put u thru u still stuck
Im so lonely so lonely
Im so lonely so lonely
Been all about the world ain't neva met a girl that can take the things that you been through
So lonely so lonely
Im so lonely so lonely
Artist - Akon
Song - Lonely
Album - Trouble
.Lonely.
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely, im mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely,
Kno took all the bullshit then one day she cant take it no more and decides to leave
Feenin, so I hadda take a little ride, back tracking ova these few years, tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad, cuz
Ever since my girl left me, my whole left life came crashin
Im so lonely so lonely,
Im mr. Lonely mr. Lonely
I have nobody I have nobody
To call my own to call my own girl
Im mr. Lonely mr. Lonely
I have nobody I have nobody
To call my own to call my own girl
Around and stayed by my side, what really hurt me is I broke ur heart, baby you were a good girl and I had no right, I
Really wanna make things right, cuz without u in my life girl
Im mr. Lonely mr. Lonely
I have nobody I have nobody to call my own
To call my own to call my own girl
Im mr. Lonely mr. Lonely
I have nobody I have nobody
To call my own to call my own girl
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run and I would be out chasing u
Cuz aint nowhere in the globe id rather be, aint noone in the globe id rather see then the girl of my dreams that made me
Be so happy but now so lonely
Im mr. Lonely mr. Lonely
I have nobody I have nobody
To call my own to call my own
Im mr. Lonely mr. Lonely
I have nobody I have nobody
To call my own to call my own girrll